love Tag

Story Teller Series

” Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he CHOSE us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In Love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace,  with which he has blessed un in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,” Ephesians 1:3-7

Adoption.

A topic that has gained steam in my life as I have met more and more families that have entered into this realm. It is a world that I do not fully understand and am not sure if I am ready for. This month, the month of August, it is Adoption/Fostering Awareness month and we have had many families at Harvester Christian Church venture into adoption and the stories of their adoptions are more and more impactful.

Adoption is not a foreign topic to scripture or to God. God has placed the concept of adoption all throughout scripture. Adoption is defined as, the action of taking another life, usually a child, and legally raising it as one of their own. In scripture, Adoption is defined as the reception of a believer into the Family of God.

If you think about it this way, the earthly version of adoption is when a person receives another person, not of their own blood or genealogy, brings them into their home and routine and rhythm and way of life, to raise that person as one of their own. God, the creator of all, is doing the same thing with each and every one of us. When we accept Jesus, God’s son, into our lives, God is adopting us back from the dominion of Satan, to raise us, grow us, teach us, discipline us, bless us, guide us into a thriving and full life with God as the leader of our life.

Some friends of mine, The Dickerson’s, went from a family of 5:

To this, a family of 7:

.Our families were in a life group together during this process that they journeyed through and let me tell you, it was one that was absolutely crazy and fast and so encouraging. I was able to ask Nathan and Brittany some questions about their adoption story. In Brittany’s words……is there a word count requirement? I have had a chance to read all these answers to the questions that they sent back to me and, well I am just going to let you take the time to read them:

• Foster and Adopting is something that not everyone thinks about. How did you get your feet into the world of Fostering and Adopting? 
  • Dickerson’s – I (Brittany) have been drawn to adoption since age 14 when I volunteered in a district preschool. There was a little boy who had just been adopted from Russia. His parents discovered he was deaf and had no way to communicate after he arrived in the U.S., which was tough on the class. I was asked to just have fun with him and give the teacher a break for a bit. From there I’ve always had kids in my life who have been in foster care or been adopted. 
  • I (Nathan) struggled to consider it seriously until we became friends with a family in our Harvester life group with two adopted kids and two bio kids. They were doing a great job. It helped me grasp a vision for what adoption when we already had three bio kids could look like. 
  • Later I (Brittany) had some health issues, so there was a five year gap between our second and third kid. We decided that the best way to grow our family was a private adoption to minimize wait time, but it would probably have to be infant adoption because I didn’t want to travel to another country. What we really wanted though was an older child to fill our five year gap. We worked with an adoption consultant who helped us complete the paperwork in three months, and then we presented to 16 different birth moms two months time. We obviously weren’t chosen by these birth moms. But then the boys popped up and we decided on a whim to apply for them. Their birth mom chose us and four days later we were on a plane to pick them up! God had a plan to fill our five year gap all along, with not one but two preschool aged children.
• In the process, what were some of the biggest struggles that you faced? 
  • Dickerson’s 
    • Since we thought we were adopting a baby, we didn’t have any training for older kids! None! Outside of a book my friend mailed me the day before we picked up the boys, we knew little of the trauma and grief that adopted kids experience. Our boys are wonderful and really want to love and be loved, but we didn’t always understand them and they didn’t always understand us. They grieved leaving Florida and their birth family more than we expected, which sounds silly to say now. Grief showed up in unexpected ways and we gave them consequences at times that didn’t match what they really needed. But all this helped reveal the areas we were lacking in our parenting even before adopting, and through it we have grown to parent all of our kids better. Consequences and rules MUST be tied to how much we love them and how much we want good for them, every single time we discipline. 
    • COVID hit shortly after we adopted and all therapies stopped, not to mention seeing our extended family and friends in person. While it gave us the time to focus on bonding as a family of seven, it was exhausting and lonely. We needed a community, but were too tired and we had too much to learn to do much else.
    • Finding our parenting groove took a while. Adoption books and counselors differ on tactics, and at times we didn’t agree with any of them! It took a while to find therapists and strategies that worked with who we are as parents.
• As a dad to 3, Nathan, what were some of your prayers as you navigated the adoption world? 
  • Nathan – I prayed that our future adoption would be a win-win-win, a win for us, a win for the kids and a win for their birth mom. Ideally adoption is a ministry to both the child and their first family. 
• As a mom to 3, Brittany, what were some of your prayers as you navigated the adoption world? 
  • Brittany- The thing that I’ve had to be the most intentional about is loving their birth mom. God made it very clear to me that I was not to judge her. I do not know her whole story and who knows how I would deal with the things she has had to deal with. God made it clear that He loved her and that she was okay with him- that would be enough for me. This idea first came to me on the plane flying to get the boys, and has been reaffirmed as I read scripture these past four years. No matter what anyone says, I am to accept and love her as she is. Sharing the mom role can be hard, especially because we are very different people. She is easy going and I’m more type A with routines and structure for everything, but we try to help the boys see the benefits to both ways and how much they are loved by both of us. 
• When you got a call that there were boys that were looking for a family, what was your initial response, and did you have any hesitation? 
  • Dickerson- Yes! We had a lot of hesitation. With private adoption you get almost no information about older children. We were told to ask more questions if we were chosen, but the questions we asked made the adoption agency nervous. She told the boys’ birthmom to pick another family, but 24 hours later, the boys’ mom was steadfast. She still wanted us. We homeschool and like to go on family adventures- and it was all over our adoption photobook. That’s what she wanted for the boys. 
  • During that 24 hours that we were unsure about our match with the boys, we didn’t sleep at all. Both of us individually had to decide if we could do this with the little info we were given. A short phone call with the birthmom and a couple sentences of information, plus some notes from their latest well check… is that enough? What if things got really bad for our current three kids we were responsible for protecting already? In the end, we knew it was a risk but we thought God was telling us to move ahead. We are so glad we did! I don’t think this is smart in every situation, and I’d probably recommend against it to others, but it’s worked out really really well for all of us. 
• You have a unique adoption story in that you have made it a point for mom of the boys to still be in their lives….how did you come to the decision? 
  • Dickerson’s – We never felt like we had a choice to NOT allow her to be part of their lives. God worked things so that we were put in touch with a family adoption counselor BEFORE we adopted (which is unheard of with this specific company) and the counselor told us that their birth mom being able to continue the relationship would allow the boys to feel loved and cared for, instead of being abandoned. The adoption process would still be grieved, but they would grow up with a better sense of belonging. As a mom, I would do anything for my kids’ wellbeing. If having their birth mom in their lives was best, then that’s what we would do! Plus she’s quite wonderful. The boys have so many emotions before, during, and after her visit that she doesn’t necessarily see. We are exhausted before she even arrives dealing with it all. BUT she supports us and encourages us and makes it clear that she thinks we are doing a great job. Slowly we are all starting to feel like one big family.  
• When you look at scripture, what scriptures stand out to you when it comes to adopting and why? 
  • Nathan – James says that true religion is caring for orphans and widows in their distress. That call to action didn’t fully sink in until we had friends who had adopted kids and it normalized adoption for me. If they could do it, I couldn’t keep making excuses as to why I wasn’t cut out to adopt.
  • Brittany – I love how adoption is all throughout the Bible. The more I learn about attachment and how it works, I’m convinced we all have attachment disorders with God. I’ve seen so many adoptive children go through stages. First they push back against the change. They don’t want anything to do with this new family or way of living! Suddenly they have to eat vegetables, go to bed on time, bathe daily, AND their new family lives somewhere new and even talks or smells different. After a while, they kind of start to like the family, but still don’t trust the family and aren’t sure they like all these rules. Some more time passes and they start to see the benefit of eating regularly and following agreed upon rules, but they still aren’t sure they belong. Finally, they reach a point where they believe they do belong. They still don’t always like the rules (Who does?!), but they know this is their family where they belong and their family wants what is best for them. They trust their parents for good outcomes and know their parents really know who they are deep down. Family is GOOD. 
  • God IS the adoptive parent in scripture, wanting to help and love us and make everything better. But we just can’t trust him. We don’t think he has our best intentions at heart and we don’t trust that we will like his outcomes. However, His ways ARE best and his outcomes ARE better. We have to do the hard work of sticking around, getting to know God, and learning to trust him, moment by moment, in all things. 
• What would you say or how would you encourage others to think about the adoption world and process? 
  • Dickerson’s – 
  • To people thinking of adopting- God’s fingerprints are all over our story. He picked the time and the boys that were perfect for us. And I hope that they say that we are perfect for them too. Nathan wasn’t always on board with adoption, and God used that to work out the just right timing. If things aren’t lining up and you are feeling impatient, just hold on. God will work things out when the time is right. 
  • To people who have adopted- It’s amazing the therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, homeschool co-ops, friends, soccer coaches, and more that have been placed in our lives at just the time we needed them. I have friends who I can ask to pray and within hours, whatever I asked them to pray for is better. Often I feel so much relief that I even forget I sent an urgent prayer text just that morning until they ask later how things are! You truly don’t have to have it all figured out. None of us do. God will provide the resources and help you need. You might feel alone at times, but you never are. You just have to be faithful and truly trust God to bring what you need when you need it. And hold on when God seems to be answering slowly- He is working and whatever it is won’t last forever. Also It can be hard to find the energy for community, but it is worth it and desperately needed. You can’t pour from an empty cup- God often uses people to fill mine. 
  • To people who aren’t sure if adoption is for them with kids at home- If you already have kids at home it can be tricky. Our three that we already had before adoption were the number one reason we hesitated saying yes. But what we learned in parenting adopted kids made us ten times better at parenting our biological kids. There have been times that our bio kids didn’t get enough attention from us, but extended family helped and they grew in maturity so much. At this point, all three of our bio kids would say that adoption is the best thing that ever happened to them. They can’t imagine life without their brothers. The journey hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it. 
• Now that you are a family of 7, would you ever think of changing anything? 
  • Dickerson’s – If we suddenly had more time and energy, we’d totally adopt more! But with our oldest two entering the teen years, we don’t want to miss out on time with them. We love watching them play sports, attending High Hill camp with them and taking them on trips. Adding another little one would definitely change our availability and we don’t want to do that right now. 
• What would be your prayer or encouragement for those that have never thought about adopting or are thinking about it already? 
  • Dickerson’s – Hello!! Wherever you are on your journey, God is there working things out. I often tell my kids that God is doing a thousand things in your life right now and we only stop to notice a couple of them at any moment. Trust that He is here and he is working. He knows the desires of your heart and he has good plans for you. He knows where you are lacking and need support. He knows where you are strong and could more easily help another. And He will use any hardship along the way for good (Romans 8:28). 
  • Also, everyone doesn’t have to adopt. In fact, adoptive families need families that aren’t struggling right then to come alongside them and support them. If you don’t feel that God is calling you to adopt, He could be calling you to befriend an adoptive family and provide support for them. Meals right after adopting is really helpful, but adoptive families really need friends who are okay with the messiness that first year or two as well. Biological kids are going through a HUGE change and maybe not act like themselves for a while. And if a family adopts and disappears, just texting to see how they are doing and what you can pray for helps so so much. Prayer really does change things. We see it all the time in our lives- something feels hard and it’s just not getting better, so a friend starts praying. It doesn’t always change right away, but we see improvement immediately. My (Brittany’s) best friend is a prayer warrior and always going to bat for us in prayer. I know we wouldn’t be where we are now without her. If adoption isn’t working out for whatever reason, maybe your spouse isn’t on board or the finances are lining up, I would pray, but not push. God will line things up in time, and I’m sure he has big things for you to do in the meantime 🙂

I’m not crying….you are.

In all seriousness, Adoption is one of the most significant images when it comes to the relationship we have with Jesus, because of his death on the cross, when we take the step to allow Jesus to be the Lord and Savior of our life, we are adopted into the Kingdom of God.

Adoption may not be on your mind right now, but maybe after hearing the Dickerson’s story, you might start a prayer that may open your hearts to how you can be a part of your own adoption story or someone else’s.

If you are wanting to hear and learn more about this world of adoption, come join us on August 31st to learn how you can Unleash Hope to Children: